Cobra (1986) [4/5]

CRIME IS A DISEASE. MEET THE CURE.

A tough-on-crime street cop must protect the only surviving witness to a strange murderous cult with far reaching plans.

Gotta love the AWSOM 50 license plate; delicately complex writing from Sly. I mean, all Cobra brings to battle with him is a match to chew on and a Coors to sip on -- ain't no goofs or gaffs under those shades, my friends. If their’s one thing that I learned from this movie, it's never to go to battle without a goddamn match between my teeth. I'd take a baker's dozen punches to the Adam's apple before smackin' back without my handy-dandy wick...can't be poppin' caps before, first and foremost, taking care of that oral fixation.

I don't mean to get mathematical on ya but I'd say that the oral fixation, the match, the shades and the license plate, in their integrated glory, warrant a rating of at least four bags of popcorn. Not only is Cobra a quality piece of cinema but a very, very informative and educational way to spend an hour and a half (should probably be shown in schools).

-Eli Hayes