Knock Knock (2015) [2.5/5]

ONE NIGHT CAN COST YOU EVERYTHING.

When a devoted husband and father is left home alone for the weekend, two stranded young women unexpectedly knock on his door for help. What starts out as a kind gesture results in a dangerous seduction and a deadly game of cat and mouse.

If Keanu Reeves had given a more restrained, less engrossingly outré performance in this, or if he hadn't been cast at all, or if another actor had been cast and directed by Roth in a divergently unobtrusive and muted manner, this might've been a straight up .5/5 film for me, not that I apply .5/5 ratings anymore (I still firmly believe that this film is utterly vacant of any consequential commentary or sociopolitical prowess).

But there's no sense discussing hypotheticals or "ifs," for he was cast in this; the performance is completely, ostentatiously, implausibly inane in the most consuming of ways, and his gaudiness is irresistibly glorious to the point that the showmanship alone almost warrants a 5/5 rating. Eli Roth's Vampire's Kiss, in all its droll dementedness.

-Eli Hayes